I get by with A LOT of help from my friends

Where's all those wonderful pictures from California, Britt? I'd love to see more of Aiden's trip to Disneyland!

Hey....Oh hi everyone! I think I remember you guys. It's actually pretty hard to forget about y'all when I keep hearing about how you need to see Aiden's summer updates...

Here's the thing.

I am having such a hard time keeping up with this kid. One minute he needs to be registered for flag football, the next minute he has kindergarten PTA meetings. If we aren't trying to get in a quick swim in the afternoon it's because he has the social calendar of a New York hotel heiress. I mean, jeeze. This kid is everywhere.

And on top of it all he is actually headed off to kindergarten. Really soon. Don't even get me started on that whole process...because if it is some sort of testing and assessment of my parenting skills, clearly, I fail.

In all honesty though... I will get the California trip up as soon as I am able, and in the mean time, while everyone is soaking up the last couple rays of summer sunshine (Colorado Thunderdays I affectionately call it) it just sort of seemed like the time to stop and take a breath.

I've done a great deal of reflection the last couple months. With Aiden really growing into this new stage of being a kid, it's hard not to sit back and remember him as a screaming baby who would never sleep. It was so miserable, and I always felt so alone. But I wasn't.

I had Kelly, to help me give him his first bath and to go with me to his baby doctor appointments. And I had Randalicious to help me hold him when I had to study or write a paper. Because of a couple really strong people, I was able to get so much done. Kelly has always been there when I've struggled, I can call at any time and say, "Please come over, I might kill my kid" - I'm kidding. But without my friends, new ones and old ones, I don't think we would have made it to kindergarten.

Single parenting is hard, really hard. Especially if you have any kind of silly notions about a life for yourself. I'm just saying...I get by with A LOT of help from my friends.

Pictures coming soon! Promise!

New Year - New Rules

Some may have noticed that OutNumbered sort of fell off the grid there for a bit...sorry.

This was due to a few factors - technical difficulties, general busy-ness, and mostly because I wanted to spend most of my holiday free time enjoying my kiddo, rather than writing about him.

I do have a few holiday goodies to share though!

This was the first year that Aiden was really super interested in Santa Claus. He wanted to talk to him, see him and he was very concerned about what Santa was doing to get ready for the big day. Of course, he was reminding everyone in the weeks leading up to Christmas that he really needed the "Thomas the Train Shake Shake Bridge" and that Santa was working on it.

Santa delivered :)

This kid was pretty spoiled. Christmas Day I was completely overcome with the amount of presents he got just from me - there were so many toys, how could I have spent so much?!? Looking back over the year though, which was exceptionally tight for us financially, I felt a great sense of pride in knowing I was able to do that for him. If that's what all the skimping and scrounging was for then it was totally worth it.

And if things get tight this year...we'll start our own toy store.

A big hit for Aiden this year was the mechanical T-Rex that moves, roars and shoots darts. This works well in conjunction with his pirate ship which also shoots darts/cannons.

After Christmas, when I started shopping for Aiden's birthday - I had a really hard time finding anything that he didn't already have.

What a problem right?

Anyway, a big, happy, belated birthday to my 4 year old!

He has become quite the little person! Full of sassy sayings and personality quirks.

He has grown taller but the size of his hugs remains the same - bigger than any person I know.

He celebrated his 4th birthday with close family friends and a couple kids from the lake.

Uncle Erik was even in town and trained the boys on how to use the tri-pod nerf gun.

I haven't seen my cat in days....

Since his birthday, Aiden has been very busy - shopping and such

He also attended a birthday party for someone else. Little kids bowling makes me extremely nervous - I always expect a little arm to go rolling down the lane with the ball.

Aiden was enamored with the big kids and how they only used one hand to bowl - so with a little help from Daddy, and a couple gutter balls, he was able to do it just like them.

I was also lucky enough to enjoy some birthday fun, thanks to a weekend off.

The girls (and Dylan) had a lovely time doing karaoke and being silly.

Anyway, this all got me thinking about New Year's Resolutions and such (which I don't believe in) so this year:

- Not worry so much about not working out so much

- Spend more time enjoying Aiden than writing about him

- More girl dates

- Maintain the "Sweet Surrender" mantra

- Uphold the work ethic and sense of self which made 2012 so awesome

Even though you all will be hearing less from OutNumbered this year - rest assured, 2013 holds many funny stories and fantastic adventures that I can't wait to share.

Meltdown Mastered

Aiden and I get tired. And we get cranky. Because we go, go, go and then we crash.

Luckily, as a Mommy, I get to be grumpy - because I am an adult and I don't kick people when I am cranky.

Aiden seems to get tired enough he crosses this "meltdown line" where all logic and reason suddenly go out the window and kicking, hitting, screaming, running away, throwing toys and being mean are not only possible but all occur at the same time if he doesn't get what he wants or he has to do something he deems "unfair."

Please note - Aiden considers the following "unfair":
- Brushing his teeth
- Buckling his seat belt
- Cleaning up one toy bin before getting out another
- Turning the TV off if he won't eat dinner
- Going to bed before 9 PM
- Putting his coat on before we leave the house

So last night, when I picked him up from Grandpa's as per usual, and I told him it was time to go home he came unglued. Even though I relented to helping him with and puzzle and a game of hide-and-seek before we left. Life is still just really unfair.

When he wasn't getting his way he started screaming about how he wanted to go out to dinner with Papa (Randalicious) -- at this point I had already been hit, kicked, slapped and screamed at. By the time I had him buckled in the car there was absolutely no way I was going to take him any where in public - I even expressed this to him vocally, "Mommy would be silly to take you anywhere but home to bed after you hit me."

So his screaming turned to crying, which of course made my resolve turn mushy.

"I wanna be a nice boy, I wanna be nice, I wanna say sorry!"

So I start feeling sad...does he not think he is a nice boy?? He's a very nice boy - he's just making bad decisions...should I go easy on him? Now that he's saying "sorry" and "please mommy, please," I feel like a total jerk :/

But I held fast to what I already told him -- I can not take this small person who may or may not be suffering from a bipolar disorder at the moment, to a public place. In part because I am also tired. Nope, not in the cards.

So we drove away from Grandpa's with him screaming and me remaining ever so quiet so as not to let on how bad I felt about how he was carrying on. Half way home, with the screaming still coming from the back seat he started in with, "I need to go potty, I'm gonna go potty!"

When I offered to stop, he refused saying, "I need to go potty at Grandpa's house!!!"

Ah, sweet relief, I made a good choice. He was totally aware of his manipulative behavior and when I didn't allow him to see it working, he spent half the ride home re-working his angle. So I spent the second half of the ride home convincing myself that if he really did pee his pants in the back seat -- that might be the best thing for him.

The worst thing for him would have been giving in. It's not like I stand a lot gain from him peeing his pants in my new car, having to wash the car seat and carrying his pee-stink self inside the house -- but I did gain from him realizing that the carrying on and essentially "bullying" into getting his way doesn't fly.

Wouldn't you know it, by the time we got home, he couldn't wait to get inside and do a new puzzle. And boy was it quiet while he ate every last bite of his dinner with me, one might dare to say enjoyable.

Birth-Control

"She's done what she should, should she do what she dares?"

If you are easily offended or a whiner of sorts, this post is not for you.

When I was a teenager, my parents thought that babysitting infants and toddlers was a sort of birth-control that might keep their daughters from having sex and getting pregnant. I always knew I wanted to have children, I remember thinking at one point that I wanted five kids (so that I would never be alone) - but when the time was right of course. I felt deeply that I was meant to be a Mom, that I would be a good mother, and that my kids would know love like no one else's.

Oh that phrase..."When the time is right." Anyone who has ever had, or tried to have, or tried not to have kids - will tell you, there is no right time. I have a list, hidden away somewhere, called, "Things I never did." A couple of the items on there might maybe one day happen, but mostly it is a list of things that are pretty far out of the realm of possibility at this point. Would it have been easier to finish school if I didn't have a baby half way through? Would I have immediately gone to grad school afterward if I didn't have Aiden? Could I have gone out and had a million girl's night with my friends when I turned  21? Would I have traveled to the end of the earth to find the inspiration to write the next Great American Novel when I was done with school?

Well, it's easy to talk a big game when you have a 3-1/2 year old out clause I suppose.

I have never asked for anyone to applaud my efforts, and frankly I don't expect it to ever happen. I am certainly aware that I have had more help and support than a lot of people do and I definitely recognize that there are people who have done much greater things than I, with much greater setbacks on the table than I will ever see. But that doesn't mean it hasn't been difficult at times - to juggle Virginia Wolff and bed time stories. It doesn't mean that I haven't had my fair share of lonely nights watching Thomas the Train instead of a movie with my friends. Above all, sometimes there are just pieces of parenting that override all of the "I Wants" with "He Needs."

I am not complaining - I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams with what Aiden continually brings to my life. Nope, no complaints. But I am also striving. Constantly asking myself if I do enough, if I support him enough, if I make the right decisions for us, if I am doing everything I am capable of to be the best mommy I can be.

Doing everything I am capable of.

I was raised with the expectation that I would carry the burden of doing everything I am capable of, into every task. Fly or fall, as long as you bring your A-Game, that's all that counts.

So that's why I didn't quit school. That's why I worked all day to make money and all night on homework for 3 years. That's why I am still striving, to make ends meet financially and prioritize my time. That's why I am still striving to make my dreams come true. I know things get hard, and I know people are often forced to make tough decisions regarding what they can and can't force themselves to accomplish. But if you aren't bringing your A-Game, I don't care how difficult your life is. I don't expect compliments, and I certainly don't hand them out until they have been earned.

No excuses, work harder. Be smarter. Play better.

And before you have kids, consider this:

This nonsensical temper tantrum brought to you by a boy who didn't want to pick up his choo-choos, then tried to hit his mommy with the choo-choo tracks, and instead cut his face and bruised his eye with them - and was still put in time out despite his owie. This is the tail end of the tantrum, which lasted nearly 45 minutes.

I promise you, there will never be a "right time" for you to fit this into your schedule.

All I am saying is, suck it up and get it done. Otherwise, you're right - it's too hard, life is just too hard - when you spend the whole time complaining about what you can't do.

Winding Down

The last few weeks have been exhausting - emotionally and physically because of work and getting Aiden ready for school and trying to find a healthy work balance between days and nights and extra jobs.

Labor Day couldn't have come sooner, we I needed a nice little break from the everyday to re-group.

Aiden had a fabulous first week at school, so while we were playing around Friday afternoon trying to get out of town I took him to Kohl's for new pjs, more big boy underwear and a toy.

While walking into the store from the parking lot, a car paused and waited for us to cross to the sidewalk. When the car stopped, Aiden put out his hand, raised his voice real big and said, "YOU STOP! Wait your turn! DON'T HIT ME!" Of course the driver's window was open and she replied very meekly to assertive Aiden, "Don't worry I won't hit you!" Funny little guy.

Inside the store, I let Aiden pick two pairs of pjs and two packs of underwear -- he was excited about the Elmo pjs so much that he grabbed the first pair of Elmo underwear he saw -- they were pink. Normally, I would take the stance, eh, if it's what he wants...but really, there's kind of an important difference in boy/girl underpants so he had to put them back and settle for choo-choos and SpongeBobs.

Back in the car Aiden practiced his photography --  

This pose is Aiden's favorite. He requests all models use this for photos.

Since we still had a little time to kill we had to stop for a snack too...

 When we finally got to the lake, I got to help Maria make a HUGE pot of spaghetti sauce for Italian Night - since I begged to have it and then it got re-scheduled just for me. So I helped with the sauce, the beef and the sausage. MMMMMMMM!

Since there is officially no water left in the lake, we spent the day Saturday playing Slip N Slide.

While it may look like Aiden is having the most fun ever, I can assure you that I had even more fun than him.

A swift twist of fate put me back in Denver late Saturday night, but I needed the rest and when I was done working on Sunday I got to catch up on a quick couple things around the house that I have been dying to do.

Like take the cat for a walk...

I took Kane to the pet store wiht me to get food, and while walking around with the horse of a dog that he is (knocking over displays left and right) I was asking for help finding a cat harness and leash. You can't really tell but Dexter's harness is fiercely striped like a zebra and his leash is pink.

He LOVED going outside, sniffed everything, talked a lot and purred in the grass.

I also got to catch up with the girls in the evening.

Of course we had out margaritas before we painted our nails....

This is my "I'm at the top of the bathroom" spot

careful, don't spill that!

Jo, who came ot spend some extra time with Katie before she moves, was a very good sport and made an excellent cabana boy when drinks ran low.

Things got a little silly.

After a good night's sleep, Kelly and I made our Clinique Bonus Days trip on Monday and then an impromptu trip to Taste Of Colorado for lunch.

Once Aiden was back in town, he was right back to taking pictures...

I even managed to finish an IKEA project - but don't get me started on the damn shelf in the living room

Finally settled and ready for Fall.

We're From the Country and We Like It That Way

That's what we tell everyone who comes to visit us anyway. Especially on weekends like this last one.

We were in Eagle all weekend. Partly because I booked a 3 day job in Vail but mostly because my Aunt and Cousins from California were in town. Lucky them and lucky Aiden, this weekend was the Eagle County Fair and Rodeo. Other than Flight Daze, this is one of my favorite weekends home all year.

I can remember the very first year we went with Chris, it was late late at night, they were all but shutting down, everyone left, it was just the four of us and we went around and around and around on the same damn roller coaster as much as we wanted.

Every year growing up the fair was one of our favorite things - I've even volunteered to work at the Rodeo on occasion. 

This was Aiden's first year, so we did everything.

Petting the bunnies in the breeding competition 

And the baby cows.

He wasn't too sure about the goats, thinking they would definitely bite him.

Everyone thought the big ol pigs were awesome.

I didn't pet any animals because really - they aren't that cute and they kind of smell, and really if we are being totally honest -- the best part of the food is the fair and no way am I putting fair food in my mouth after touching those pigs.

Aiden also went on his very first roller coaster -- and he loved it!!

So he went on as many as he could:

And of course we had to do the bouncy castle

We were having a blast! After some silly pictures, a misunderstanding about the lucky duck game and painting a t - shirt, we went on more rides!

My cousin Garret - who Aiden followed around all weekend, was exceptionally great and took Aiden to play in the fun house.

It was such a busy weekend, I am STILL tired! But on top of all the playing around I had to work too.

Natalie and I had a lot of fun hanging out with the kiddos at the Kick It Soccer Tournament.

And we even made some new friends --

Mickey the GoGo Mouse!! Yes we continued to feed it all weekend so that it would keep coming back....But at least we didn't try to scoop it up like my cousin did to a mouse, who there after bit him, while we were fishing!!

These boys have a little something to learn about country living -- only bunny foo foo picks up field mice.

Speaking of fishing...

I caught my first fish!!!

Of course I proceeded to freak out once it was in the canoe with me! I screamed louder when I caught the damn fish that I did when I stepped on a snake!!

Poor guy was bleeding and he couldn't breathe. When I thought I caught another one, my initial response was, "oh no I did it again!"