Outnumbered is not so bad

I don't know if I should start at the end and work my way back or give you all the goodies in order (there's lots of goodies). I guess I'll start with the obvious - the subject of tonight's blog, why being outnumbered is not so bad.

I spent the evening with some of the best guys last night, Aiden and Steve. After going to the wings eating contest Mammoth game on Saturday night, I was craving wings. Steve being as adventurous as ever, decided we should find a hole in the wall wings joint for dinner. It was Ah-MA-ziiiing! Shout out to Jimmy's Wings (also owns Willy's Wings in Morrison if you have had the pleasure). We practically had the place to ourselves and more food for our money than we could handle. About three extra meals each for the week. I was so full afterward that it hurt to breathe and smelling the leftovers in the car still had me hungry!

After dinner we picked up Nik and Grant who had the joy of sharing the back seat with Bubba all the way to Evergreen (such sweethearts) where we went ice skating on the lake in the dark. The apprehensive mother in me wasn't thrilled about putting Aiden in skates for the first time in the dark, the cold and on a lake (way different than a rink). But he loved it!  He giggled the entire time.

On the ice with Dad and Grant

Getting bundled up with Grant and Nik



A puffy little guy

He and I didn't last as long on the ice as the guys did but we got to watch them through the window as they raced each other as fast as they could to the end of the lake and then slid on their butts - much more laughter ensued.

When we got home we got a bubble bath - since Aiden has learned to say "bubbles" they have become a nightly necessity. While were bathing we practiced our funny faces, a new favorite past time of ours...

this is the "oh gosh" face - a new saying we have learned

this is what Aiden does when you ask for a funny face

here he's laughing at my duck bill platypus impression

And doing his best to wash his own face

But as I said there's lots of goodies to get to that haven't been blogged about...

Aiden has been showing his developed thinking more and more every day. I was extremely surprised last week when we pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and he pointed at the sign and said "Mall Mart!" of course I made such a big deal about it that our entire shopping trip inside Wal-Mart was spent with him chirping "Mall Mart Mall Mart" - he has since requested to go to Wal Mart every day.

He has also been astounding me with his devious planning as well, no doubt an influence of his father...

The trap is set

Kitty treats become bait

Dexter is caught

This poor kitten puts up with so much from these boys!

Aiden is also learning the joy of slurping noodles from spoons - a mess always results and he usually gives up and plants his face in the bowl.

Trying it with the spoon

Letting Dex help a little bit

Using our face

This kid makes me laugh so much. I can't imagine a life without such joy.

Last night at dinner Steve said something that really touched me, "We are both really creative" I of course thought "well yeah" but when he started saying how I have a side that likes to paint and do crafts and he likes to build and make things and draw them out I really was very touched that he 1. noticed that important side of me and 2. that he drew a really meaningful connection between the two of us.

As we ventured out on the ice last night I thought to myself how jealous I am that he picks up all athletic endeavors so easily and so gracefully and so peacefully. I remember a version of myself that was fearless enough to accomplish such feats and had a pang of desperation for him and wondered how much he must really miss that girl. Unfortunately, the mother in me killed a lot of the fearless in me - now I worry about the behavoirs and words my son absorbs and about the germs on his hands and the cracks in the ice and every potential fall he might have, every future heart break and struggle and failure. If I didn't worry about those things, no one would. But how lucky am I to have Steve there to show Aiden what can be accomplished if you just let go and go for it? I am so totally blessed, Aiden is likely to be a total smart ass and trouble maker in a few years I am sure, but he's not going to be afraid of anything, that's for sure.

Why is she complaining?

Well you wouldn't know it now because the evidence has mostly melted but thanks to the snow in Boulder last night I had quite an adventure!

To learn more about the storm see: http://www.coloradodaily.com/cu-boulder/ci_17138863#axzz1Bc1NdSpK -- a sophomore complains that her 15 minute bus ride took an hour last night....

Let me paint a map for you, Arapaho is one of the main streets in Boulder that runs East and West, it's a good way to get to Louisville as it is parallel to S Boulder Road (known for connecting the two cities) and heavily traveled but not like HWY 36 obviously. Anyway, I go East on Arapaho to get to work (meaning I have to go West when I leave....) but I turn North from Arapaho to 55th (not major though it does connect Arapaho and Pearl - very major street) on the way to the office and then into the "business park" via one of two streets which both end up in the same place and are only a block or so apart. Of course I go East on the first street on the way in (because it's the first I encounter) and I exit via the second (the one closer to Pearl) when I leave because when I exit it's the first I encounter (so OCD....I KNOW!).

Normally to leave the office parking lot and then take the road (1/2 mile-ish) outward to 55th then to hit Arapaho takes me 2 minutes if I don't hit a light at 55th, 4 minutes if I do.

Last night I left work at 4:45 for my 6:00 class, knowing I desperately needed gas - so I gave myself the extra time. I didn't reach Arapaho (the street that takes me 2 minutes to get to on a good day) until just before 6:00 - mind you this left no time to get gas so I was on E the entire time. Thank God everyone was using Arapaho to go east to get to Lousiville when 36 closed because it was relatively smooth sailing from there. Until I ventured up the steep hill of 17th just South East of Boulder High - omg as soon as I got up to flat ground I decided I was pulling over, ditching the car and walking (I really had to pee!)

I ran across the street, jumped a huge mound of snow to find myself on the downslope of a minor hill and then  nearly hip deep in powder and decided, well at least I don't have to take the paths now because I am already wet. I dashed into the first building I saw to pee, came out and tried to orientate myself with the campus in the midst of the white out, I got to my building/class at 6:45 - 45 min late on the first day.

Class was alright, I have really missed literature and history so I will enjoy this a bit, but I was finding it awfully hard to focus wondering whether the place where I left my car was 1. safe 2.legal and 3. going to be snowed in when I returned.

We got out early, as is the case usually with the first night of most night classes and I was the first one up and out the door - so worried I couldn't sit still! Well the 10-15 walk/sprint/run that got me to class was out of the question because it was no longer a whiteout but pitch black out! And all I knew was a general vicinity of where my car was at and that I didn't want to walk the way I came because I was finally drying off from my snowy romp to school!

After about 30 minutes I spotted Frank (my car) which is a miracle in itself because he has been dirty as it is lately and was now snow covered to the point that you could argue my car is white not silver. Anyway, safe inside the car, and not a parking ticket in sight (!) I knew I had to get to a gas station fast. No problem, since most everyone was off the road by then, but when I got there, the gas tank door thing a ma jig would not open! I tried scraping it with my window scraper, the prying it with my window scraper, then prying it with my keys and finally I thought hmmmm warm water? I grabbed for the gas station squigie - low and behold the window cleaning fluid was all but frozen. But it was my only hope so I tried anyway, and it worked!!! Fewf!

Lastly I had the joy of doing 35 the whole way home on HWY 93 which was ice packed! But I made it home a little after 10 and gave myself a pat on the back for being so dedicated to school - congrats Britt, you are a nerd!

A disturbing morning for one warm and cozy girl

When I got to the office this morning, I went through my usual routine...water Dexter and Harrison (my plants), check my facebook (my friend Tim from highschool tagged me in a photo as a "fierce tranny" - compliment?), did the filing that I forgot the night before, answered urgent emails (there was a whole conversation between a salesperson and a client that I was cc'd on which had nothing to do with me - thanks for that) and then I went to Yahoo to get my daily news, where I found this article...

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12202&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=709243

What the Guys Think of Your Fashion....

Designer Sweats - they're a don't because words on your ass are tacky. I agree, however, one guy commented that "Pink" across your ass sends the wrong message...hate to break it to you guys but it is literally the name of the brand by one of YOUR favorite places for us to shop! It's okay for us to go to Victoria's Secret for something sexy for you that only gets worn about 15 minutes but if we pick something up that is reasonably priced, comfortable for hours, doubles as work-out wear and is strategically marketing for the company we bought it from...oh God forbid! Sorry dudes, I am keeping my blue sweats that say "University of  Pink" on the thigh and if you don't like it, remind me later that we are boycotting Victoria's Secret ;)

Screen T shirts - Another toss out for guys...that kinda sucks because one of my favorites is a snoopy sweater in which the silly dog is wearing glasses and saying "I only date nerds..." ok I think I just proved the guys' point. But if we have to toss ours you guys shouldn't get away with wearing this crap....

gross.

Leggings - you guys want us to wear these? It took me forever to jump on the band wagon, and even still I only have one or two outfits that I'll do it with...whatever guys...

Ugg boots -- Do I have to throw them away if they're knock offs? And yeah I know they're ugly but let me put it this way...just because you don't know the joy of having your feet wrapped in warm faux fur when it is 10 degrees out doesn't mean we have to suffer - and for those of you that think we shouldn't wear them with skirts....try this...I wear a mini skirt, with leggings and my fuggs (fake uggs) and I don't plan on not doing it anytime soon... :P

Giant Glasses -- Agreed, this is yucky -- but I'm also really concerned with the amount of money the men in my life spend on their eye wear...maybe their glasses aren't tacky but if you're going to drop $100 or more on something, at least in a girl's case you get more product square foot-wise than you do as a dude....

Mini skirts -- did we really need to hear you like them? Don't get me wrong I hate being cold and won't pull one out of the closet until it's 90 degrees plus outside, but when I do it's still for my boyfriend's benefit...we know you like it, and we do it to drive you crazy but it's so cute that you think we needed you're approval on it.

Or anything else for that matter -- sorry guys but this girl dresses for comfort and if you think it's ugly that's fine, but take a good look in the mirror before you tell me to change my outfit again okay? 

Special treat to anyone who's following

Back to the blog....it's been a crazy couple weeks. Dad is doing better though and Aiden who has been staying with his grandparents in Vail comes home tomorrow. I think I might let him sleep in our bed just because I won't want to let him go.
I haven't had a solid night's sleep since he's been gone - I keep thinking the appocalypse is coming with all the dead birds and dead fish and it's terrifying to think I won't have my son to hold when the world ends. I realize this is ridiculous paranoia and the product of too many zombie movies at its finest but until you're a mom and birds are falling from the sky - you don't get to judge.

Anyway, while Aiden has been gone, I have really been giving my Netflix subscription a workout. I have watched 18 films in the last week and here are some highlights...

I realize I am the last person ever in the world to see this film but alas I have. And now I am going to say the strangest thing you have ever heard: excellent movie, I HATED it. Unlike everyone else out there I am willing to admit sometimes I like really shitty movies (ie Stick It- please don't ask, its embarassing). Just because I like a movie does not automatically give it merit, example...lots of my grilfriends liked SATC2 and thus deemed it a good movie - it was bad, it was so bad, it was politically and culturally insensitive and offensive and the only time that is ok is when Ali G (ie Borat) is committing the offenses.

On the flipside I can also admit when a movie is a great movie - even if I didn't like it. Ok, jsut because every guy in the world makes fun of Brokeback Mountain and dislikes it because of whatever insecurities they harbor about their own sexuality - it doesn't deserve to be called a bad movie because it is an amazing movie! Dinner for Schmucks - amazing movie.

Couple thoughts for thinking though -- the artisit character that Paul Rudd's sort of fiance was working with, was he not a total rip off of Russell Brand in a baaaaad way? Zach Gilanafikas (sp?) was so good at being a bully that I really don't like him now. I realize we are supposed to find something endearing and sweet about Steve Carell's character but I could not do it, I was so pissed at how much he was messing up Paul Rudd's life and so disgusted with how he could not 1. just shut up 2. just go home 3. just stop with the stupid mice - I couldn't enjoy this movie because of the Schmuck who went to dinner...sorry but one idiot messing up another guy's life who frankly was working really hard to succeed was not funny to me.

Awesome documentary - even for those not interested in fashion. Well that may be a bit of a stretch - a little interest in fashion is needed but if it only extends to having watched the Devil Wears Prada then you are set! I learned a lot and I was entertained by the fueding that went on nearly silently between Anna Wintour and her Creative Director Grace.

I was a little put off to hear multiple voices in the movie name Anna Wintour the most powerful woman in the world because uh hello that would be Oprah, but I am willing to forgive it because this movie was so enjoyable.

A total surprise! I was under the impression that this movie was the slow and hard to keep your eyes open following of a minister who would be documenting an exorcism (his last unbeknownst to him dun dun dun) and that it would be a painful watch but worth it for the last mind-fucking-five-minutes.

I loved it, from start to finish. I was genuinely creeped out in a way that I haven't been since the first Paranormal Activity or Fourth Kind. Even more so I think because of my own personal religious beliefs...this one got to me quite a bit. And the topic of exorcism was approached in a way I had never heard or thought of before, very originial. Plus I am a sucker for the low budget ones that blow you away so to be jumping out of my seat and hiding my eyes this much was a real treat.

Oh yeah and the last 5 minutes were a total mind fuck!

Alright - last one was a trip to the theater (by myself - which I highly recommend everyone does at least once a year) because my love for Darren Aronofsky couldn't keep me away any longer.

Another excellent movie - however I am still unsure how I feel about it. I loved the mother, loved the older ballerina character by Winona Ryder and was astounded by Natalie Portman. However, I thought the Ballet Company Director was a reach - c'mon you're telling me that guy is straight???? And I would have been willing to go along with it if the symbolism of the black swan held strongly to the very end, but it waivered for a breif moment when Nina's crazy self believes she sees Lilly groping the dancer playing the prince - so the symbolic prince is replaced by the real prince and all of a sudden I don't believe the character of the French Director anymore - such a shame because he really almost had me convinced.

I was impressed with Mila Kunis' performance in something so intense but in a lot of ways I feels she was still playing her tough girl bad ass character from all her other movies, I know Nina's psyche was running the show but how come we didn't get to know Lilly a little tiny bit more?

This movie was made entirely by the scene in Nina's bedroom where she discoveres her feathers and is completely breaking down and then her legs snap backwards to form swan legs....so haunting, so terrifying, so brilliant. It's no requiem for a dream but Aronofsky does not disappoint.

Anyway, if you're looking for something to watch - give one of them a try.

Ever Changing

It occurred to me this morning after only a couple hours of sleep, that I am completely and totally out of control of everything in my life, especially the things that I thought were stable and calm.

My dad is in the hospital and will not tell me what is wrong - though I do intend to get as many answers as I can from the doctors as soon as he falls asleep tonight. While I tell myself this can't possibly be life threatening, there is a little voice in my head reminding me that Grandpa went to the hospital, as did Grandma, as a result of exhaustion, dehydration, and minor system failures. When they left the hospital it was to the care of hospice.

Things change so quickly, and maybe I am only afraid because of what has happened so recently, but it feels like I am losing grasp on all the things which I most depend upon. Including the support of a once unfailing love. When I woke this morning, I found that my life felt so different today than it has on any other particular day. I was suddenly unsure how to balance work, school, love, Aiden, reading, writing this blog, taking care of myself, taking care of my family, everything. I feel as if I have been doing it all totally wrong and I don't know how to change it because I really thought I was doing it all so well.

Mostly I am unsure of the ground on which I stand because I think in a lot of ways, whatever is wrong with my dad is my fault, at least partially. Literally I gave him the flu which started the mess, and I have been depending on him so much with Aiden that I almost feel like I have broken him. Figuratively, I have been leaning on him for so long that he can't handle anymore.

What if he doesn't get better? And how selfish is it that I want him to simply because I feel I can't function without him - he is a safe place where I can talk, someone who always has answers, he fixes everything. If I didn't have him to push me to be great, I might stop trying.