Who run the world?

GIRLS! We run this mother...strong enough to bear the children, then get back to business.

I promise Aiden updates soon, we have so much to be happy about these days. But first, I have somethings I want to say:

I'm 25 years old today. Fewf, that was hard to get out. Not because I fear getting old, but because my other fears are prompted by age.

Fears that I haven't learned, absorbed or experienced enough. Fears that I started chasing my dream with only a small window of time in which to achieve it before it will be shelved with other lost wishes. 

I think we get really wrapped up in mortality and worry over the exact amount of minutes in which we have left to live and I have been working hard over the last year or so to change that within myself. It's okay to express anxiety over the passage of time, but I beg of you, let that passage of time appear to you in a way that is circular, spiral and wide - ultimately, Gabriel Garcia Marquez-esque. Let your worries be about the moments in which you presently find yourself and fill those moments with your whole self.

A little over a year ago, I was lying in a hospital bed and weighed 100 pounds on a good day; felt alone, frail and deeply depressed. That week of my life, feeling like I might die, was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. I walked away from it with a hunger to get better, to be better and do better. If not for me, then for Aiden. So I did. 

This last year has been filled with the most courageous, beautiful learning experiences. I found myself, I found strength and I found the will to push forward - to stop waiting for life to happen. 

I am so truly blessed for all the support and opportunity I have received this year, I am also much more aware of how fragile those commodities are. Support and opportunity can be here one day and gone the next. It is the conviction of will and the strength of character which pushes you forward.

There are so many more women in my life this year than ever before and I am ecstatic to have them to work with and learn from. Ladies, we hold each other up, we can do anything once we realize it is simply in our own hands.

I am stronger. I am brave and resilient. I am better. I am unstoppable. 

I am 25 and I am not ever going to stop moving forward.

A Much Happier Hoe-Down

Hey all, lots of requests for pics and videos from last week's Hoe-Down at Abiding hope.

It went MUCH better than last year.

Aiden was such a champ, and so totally into it - I might have shed a tear or two, either out of beaming pride or total laughter.

Anything that doesn't fit in this post can be found on Facebook :)

And some of the action...

See Facebook for more videos - Aiden had really, just such a great time :)

Curious Curiosities

Last night, Aiden was a bit subdued. After sustaining a small injury at school he was being quiet and just wanted to play LEGO's after dinner, so I left him to his own devices while I read awhile.

Shortly before bath time he asked if we could watch Dora or Diego. This is a new fascination of his, but it is thrilling to me to no end. When I am in the other room putting away laundry or in the kitchen cooking something and I hear him talking to the TV about how old he is, how many animals he sees on the screen or singing in Spanish - I am over joyed. I love the interaction he enjoys with these kid's shows; I am really not sure where it came from but he thinks it is the greatest thing in the world and I think him learning these things (especially the basic Spanish) is pretty neat too.

Anyway, the episode was progressing and Diego was trying to save a baby chinchilla from some snakes when quiet, docile Aiden asked me, "Do we live on the Earff?"

We went around and around until I understood the "Earff" is the "Earth," and I told him, "Yes, we live on Earth, pretty neat huh?"

"Yeah, it's a good idea, I like the Earff," and he went kinda quiet again, watching Diego go on about his business, when he piped up again with, "A rock hits the Earff? A big rock crashes?"

My jaw dropped. "Who told you that? Where did you hear that? No, sweetie, there are no rocks going to crash the Earth." I waited to hear his response.

"We have a moon?"

Ok. Time to get the solar system puzzle out.

Aiden got a big solar system floor puzzle for Christmas that he hasn't played with much since, so we got it out and put it all together.

After we got it together, we started talking about the different things he could see. I asked him about the sun, why is it so big and so yellow? And we talked about why the "Earff" looks so blue, and which one of the green patches we live on (and Grandpa too!). We talked about all the things "floating" around in the Milky Way - which prompted the need for candy...and we talked about why Pluto is on the puzzle but it's name isn't there.

Aiden's a pretty cool kid. A curious kid, who's curiosities make me curious. But, a really cool kid.

New Year - New Rules

Some may have noticed that OutNumbered sort of fell off the grid there for a bit...sorry.

This was due to a few factors - technical difficulties, general busy-ness, and mostly because I wanted to spend most of my holiday free time enjoying my kiddo, rather than writing about him.

I do have a few holiday goodies to share though!

This was the first year that Aiden was really super interested in Santa Claus. He wanted to talk to him, see him and he was very concerned about what Santa was doing to get ready for the big day. Of course, he was reminding everyone in the weeks leading up to Christmas that he really needed the "Thomas the Train Shake Shake Bridge" and that Santa was working on it.

Santa delivered :)

This kid was pretty spoiled. Christmas Day I was completely overcome with the amount of presents he got just from me - there were so many toys, how could I have spent so much?!? Looking back over the year though, which was exceptionally tight for us financially, I felt a great sense of pride in knowing I was able to do that for him. If that's what all the skimping and scrounging was for then it was totally worth it.

And if things get tight this year...we'll start our own toy store.

A big hit for Aiden this year was the mechanical T-Rex that moves, roars and shoots darts. This works well in conjunction with his pirate ship which also shoots darts/cannons.

After Christmas, when I started shopping for Aiden's birthday - I had a really hard time finding anything that he didn't already have.

What a problem right?

Anyway, a big, happy, belated birthday to my 4 year old!

He has become quite the little person! Full of sassy sayings and personality quirks.

He has grown taller but the size of his hugs remains the same - bigger than any person I know.

He celebrated his 4th birthday with close family friends and a couple kids from the lake.

Uncle Erik was even in town and trained the boys on how to use the tri-pod nerf gun.

I haven't seen my cat in days....

Since his birthday, Aiden has been very busy - shopping and such

He also attended a birthday party for someone else. Little kids bowling makes me extremely nervous - I always expect a little arm to go rolling down the lane with the ball.

Aiden was enamored with the big kids and how they only used one hand to bowl - so with a little help from Daddy, and a couple gutter balls, he was able to do it just like them.

I was also lucky enough to enjoy some birthday fun, thanks to a weekend off.

The girls (and Dylan) had a lovely time doing karaoke and being silly.

Anyway, this all got me thinking about New Year's Resolutions and such (which I don't believe in) so this year:

- Not worry so much about not working out so much

- Spend more time enjoying Aiden than writing about him

- More girl dates

- Maintain the "Sweet Surrender" mantra

- Uphold the work ethic and sense of self which made 2012 so awesome

Even though you all will be hearing less from OutNumbered this year - rest assured, 2013 holds many funny stories and fantastic adventures that I can't wait to share.

Meltdown Mastered

Aiden and I get tired. And we get cranky. Because we go, go, go and then we crash.

Luckily, as a Mommy, I get to be grumpy - because I am an adult and I don't kick people when I am cranky.

Aiden seems to get tired enough he crosses this "meltdown line" where all logic and reason suddenly go out the window and kicking, hitting, screaming, running away, throwing toys and being mean are not only possible but all occur at the same time if he doesn't get what he wants or he has to do something he deems "unfair."

Please note - Aiden considers the following "unfair":
- Brushing his teeth
- Buckling his seat belt
- Cleaning up one toy bin before getting out another
- Turning the TV off if he won't eat dinner
- Going to bed before 9 PM
- Putting his coat on before we leave the house

So last night, when I picked him up from Grandpa's as per usual, and I told him it was time to go home he came unglued. Even though I relented to helping him with and puzzle and a game of hide-and-seek before we left. Life is still just really unfair.

When he wasn't getting his way he started screaming about how he wanted to go out to dinner with Papa (Randalicious) -- at this point I had already been hit, kicked, slapped and screamed at. By the time I had him buckled in the car there was absolutely no way I was going to take him any where in public - I even expressed this to him vocally, "Mommy would be silly to take you anywhere but home to bed after you hit me."

So his screaming turned to crying, which of course made my resolve turn mushy.

"I wanna be a nice boy, I wanna be nice, I wanna say sorry!"

So I start feeling sad...does he not think he is a nice boy?? He's a very nice boy - he's just making bad decisions...should I go easy on him? Now that he's saying "sorry" and "please mommy, please," I feel like a total jerk :/

But I held fast to what I already told him -- I can not take this small person who may or may not be suffering from a bipolar disorder at the moment, to a public place. In part because I am also tired. Nope, not in the cards.

So we drove away from Grandpa's with him screaming and me remaining ever so quiet so as not to let on how bad I felt about how he was carrying on. Half way home, with the screaming still coming from the back seat he started in with, "I need to go potty, I'm gonna go potty!"

When I offered to stop, he refused saying, "I need to go potty at Grandpa's house!!!"

Ah, sweet relief, I made a good choice. He was totally aware of his manipulative behavior and when I didn't allow him to see it working, he spent half the ride home re-working his angle. So I spent the second half of the ride home convincing myself that if he really did pee his pants in the back seat -- that might be the best thing for him.

The worst thing for him would have been giving in. It's not like I stand a lot gain from him peeing his pants in my new car, having to wash the car seat and carrying his pee-stink self inside the house -- but I did gain from him realizing that the carrying on and essentially "bullying" into getting his way doesn't fly.

Wouldn't you know it, by the time we got home, he couldn't wait to get inside and do a new puzzle. And boy was it quiet while he ate every last bite of his dinner with me, one might dare to say enjoyable.

Burn

Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above

Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return

I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me, burn for me

Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God’s face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel under grace

I’ll lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in return

I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me, burn for me

Laugh for me, cry for me
Pray for me, fly for me
Live for me, die for us

I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me, burn for me

Another Great One

As always, Halloween did not disappoint. 

Since I was working on Saturday night, I didn't get to go all out in costume and celebrate my favorite holiday but I did get to spice up the LBD a little bit.

Aiden began celebrating on Friday by going Trick-or-Treating at Grandma Deiker's office so his candy stash was well on its way by the end of the weekend. Aunt Dana even brought home a pair of Vampire fangs from her Halloween party for him to play with.

He is so spooky!

On Halloween night we went Trick-or-Treating in Randalicious' neighborhood (where I used to go) for the first time. Aiden was so independent and all "big boy" about the whole thing.

He rang all the door bells by himself, said "Trick or treat!" and "Happy Halloween" and lots of "Thank you's"

There was one house though that was just a little too spooky for him, so he took Daddy to the door with him.

All night he was great about holding hands and staying on the sidewalk. I was personally impressed by how many parents were out and volunteer safety patrols.

Aiden was so funny, when he passed a group of parents who said, "Spiderman, COOL!" He silently, coolly looked up at them and shots some imaginary spidey-webs at them. I don't know who thought it was funnier.

As we walked away I whispered to Steve, "Our kid is such an effing B-A"

On an even more amusing note, I decided to participate in Jimmy Kimmel's You Tube Challenge this year --

"Hey Jimmy Kimmel, I told my kid I ate all their Halloween candy"

Enjoy the results knowing, I promptly gave him a piece afterward because I felt so bad.