Friday, February 25, 2011

5 Signs You're Horrible at Reading Her Signals

This morning I read an article (on my beloved Yahoo! news screen) called, 5 Signs She is Into You. See it for yourself here:
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6687&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=730915

1. She touches herself - after laughing at this one like an 11 year old boy for about 5 minutes I found they really mean, she primps herself (fixes her hair, goes to the bathroom to check her make up, etc.) Ok, I carry a pressed powder compact in my purse at all times, but in the 4 years I have had it and it has probably expired, I can count on one hand the number of times I have used it. And in those times, I don't think once was to "fluff up" while on a date. As far as my hair goes, if I take the trouble to do it nice for you (which I hardly ever will, I don't even own a blow dryer) I will hairspray it with something equal to cement and not touch it again all night. Above all, if I keep running to the bath room it's because I have had 4 glasses of iced tea and my kidneys are the veterans of a heavy-weight-gain-pregnancy, they hold about 1 fluid oz each before needing to be emptied.
"My insides match my outsides- fake ~ Daniel Tosh"


2. She asks about your family - not that I am or ever was an expert on the dating game. Any success I had was the result of nodding and giggling a lot. Furthermore, the way I landed my knockout of a boyfriend was sheer luck. That being said, it seems to me an expert date/advice giver would tell you not to talk about anything family related with a prospective guy until about 6 months into a committed relationship because you might scare him away right? If I ask about your family though, I guess in a round-about way it's because I'm into you -- but mostly I want to know what I am getting into. With Steve, I really lucked out, as far as his family goes, I love them all, and on occasion refer to various family members as "my favorite D____."





3. She is attentive - Not that I wasn't into Steve in the beginning, because our chemistry has always been intense. But I don't think I was ever attentive until most recently when I myself became a more nurturing person as a mom. And as much as it pains me to admit, I haven't always been the nicest girl to date, I was a pure nightmare in my younger/single-er years, believe me it was all about getting mine even if I really was into a guy, being attentive to his needs was the last thing on my mind. *Note: I like the new me better :)

All for you my love, all for you ;)


4. She is touchy-feely - When I read the first one, my reaction, was no she won't touch herself, she will touch you! And alas here it is.I don't think that the "knee-tap" is what I had in mind though - I would consider holding hands, stroking your hair, etc. If I accidentally stepped on your toes under the table and you think that means you will get laid...you are a moron.

My toes have never been so turned on


5. The date lasts longer than you expected - does this mean we go for pie and discuss the movie afterward a-la Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette?? If so, I am definitely into you. Also, this probably means I am living in a fantasy world where men want to talk Elvis over pie into all hours of the night and someone should get me started on Lithium - stat! If this means the date lasted longer because we went home and hooked up, don't count your chickens yet buster. Ever hear of the movie "He's just not that into you?" - well the latest trend among women is that *gasp!* she really just wants to get laid too and the pretense of dinner and a movie is just as lame to her as it is to you.

Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate


Yeeesh - I think I have become a cynic...

1 comment:

Constant Writer said...

LOVE your comments-made me laugh lots. I read this article too and I didn't catch the unintended innuendo on the first one "she touches herself". But when you brought it up, I giggled like an eleven year old boy for a few minutes too.
I think #5 seems to be the only indicator for me on a date. Everything else seems like stuff you do when you're flirting and trying to get the date. Once you're on the date, it seems like you're trying too hard if you're doing #1, 3, 4.