What a Night of Sleep Can Do for You

First of all can I tell you how much Aiden has been learning in pre-school?

Yesterday he used Dexter to demonstrate his knowledge of body parts:

He was telling me (without being prompted) where Dex's nose, mouth and ears are.

Boo was being very helpful.

Anyway --

Last night was really hard on both Aiden and I. As I mentioned previously, he's been having a hard time going to bed and we're working on re-structuring the routine. If you are a parent, you know that any type of sleep training  gets really a lot worse before it gets better. But you also know that the result is totally worth it.

Well, we are having a really rough patch right now. It's hard to find the balance between giving enough comfort and love to help them fall asleep and at the same time being stern about bed time and how important it is to go to bed.

After story time and snuggles last night, I laid down on the floor next to his bed again, telling him I would stay if he laid down and closed his eyes too. This worked for 15 minutes or so, and then I decided he was calm and peaceful enough for me to let him go it alone. Big mistake.

Not only did he yell and scream but he flung himself from the crib.

After putting him back in bed I laid back down with him for a bit longer. At this point we had been working on going to bed for 2 hours. When I finally noticed his eyes getting heavy I sat up so he knew I was not going to sleep (the idea is that he knows he can go to sleep safely even when I am not sleeping). I rubbed his back a little and scratched his head and he was done.

When I sat down to start my homework, I just started to cry. Somewhere in that 2 hours getting Aiden to sleep I realized how much he really really needs me and that he is not getting enough of me. And going to grad school right now is just not an option for me. It was really tough to get to that point and even harder to just admit it to myself. But Aiden is the most important thing and always has been, always will be.

I am beyond grateful for my amazing support system. I am truly blessed.

Unfortunately, it's just not enough to get through this next big thing. And that's okay. Being a parent and an adult is about making the tough choices and realizing what you can feasibly do (or not do) before getting yourself in too deep.

On top of all this, Aiden was up continually through the night and not excited about Mommy going to work this morning. While it is extremely difficult to leave that kid when he doesn't want you to go, it really helped solidify my decision. Aiden wants and needs me around right now. That's not always going to be the case.