What does OutNumbered mean?

I have always surrounded my self with boys. Sometimes, intentionally because I couldn't handle girls. Sometimes, subconsciously - we are just drawn together because of shared interests. Sometimes, I even think a few of the men in my life like having me around because girls as friends can be more comforting than other guys.

And that is all just fine.

Unfortunately, as we grow up, there are increasing environmental factors which remind even the best of my guy friends that I am in fact not one of the guys, but a girl. Typically, this rude awakening comes in the form of a new girlfriend. Even more typically, a threatened new girl friend.

I don't blame them, I really don't. When I was younger and less sure of myself, I always felt threatened by my boy friend's best friends -- because that's who they tell everything to. That's who sees them when they are vulnerable. That's who they can safely be angry at without risking a loss.

Somehow, I find myself as a safe place for a few really great men. I love them unconditionally. I would listen for hours or buy 10 shots if it was what they needed. And that is as far as it goes. I work hard to keep them out of certain places in my heart because I love them so much. However, sometimes, it's the places in your heart that you didn't think were so important, which end up hurting the most.

When one of those best friends tells you their girlfriend has to come first -- all you can do is wish them the best. I feel that I am a very understanding person. I know what it's like to be in love. I know how important that can seem. But, again, lets all remember that I am a girl.

Maybe the reason I surround myself with men is because I want so badly to believe that they are logical and strong willed and decent to the core. But that is not the nature of the beast. They beast has hunger pains.

There are a couple people in my life, a nice mixture of guys and girls who I know would have my back even if it was their better half trying to stab it. Those are the ones that matter.

So today, OutNumbered means letting go of people who are too selfish to see past themselves and clinging with all your heart, even the most vulnerable pieces, to the people who would take a bullet for you.

I am not what has happened to me -- I am what I choose to become.