Monday, July 11, 2011

A couple anecdotes for your Monday

For such a low key weekend at the lake, we sure have some funny stories....

"Daisy the Pig" -- when we arrived (at nearly 11 pm) Friday night, the entire manly man community of Jackson Lake State Park was hard at work to gut, stuff, bury and cook a pig - Hawaiian Style. They dug a 4 foot grave in the dirt in front of the club house and started a fire in the bottom. While the coals were getting nice and hot, poor Daisy, as her chefs named her, was being stuffed with peppers, Italian sausage, garlic and sauerkraut (why I don't know). Then she was wired to a grate which would hold her up off the coals a bit and then she was wrapped in cheese cloth.

Because she would have to cook for 14 hours, these manly men had to bury her at midnight. So what keeps manly men cooking and digging so late into the evening you may ask??? Wiskey, that's what. They were druuuuunk.

When the pig was ready, they dumped a few inches of dirt on the coals then lowered Daisy into the pit (far less than gracefully) and thank goodness she was wired in or that piggy would have been gone! It was so funny. All the guys just had to be in on the action together. I love those manly men. They sure light up my life.

After Daisy was in the pit, they buried her completely. The idea is to create an oven for her to cook in, in the ground. The best part was, after she was finished, there was a nice 4 foot radius around her that was blocked of with caution tape that read "Caution Men Cooking" -- it was priceless.

"The Worst Diaper Ever" -- if you are squeamish, I advise you to skip ahead.

On Saturday, we spent the majority of the day playing on the beach. Once Aiden gets into the water and starts splashing around, he doesn't want to stop for anything. I usually have to threaten time-out in order to get him re-lathered in sun screen.

So around 4 o clock or so, I thought, he wasn't in bed til nearly 2 am and he's been up since 7...perhaps we should have a nap before the pig roast party. When I went to get him out of the water, his diaper was ooozing. It was so bad. I asked Steve for help and he joked, "You've got this Mommy!" but when he saw what I saw, he stepped up big time.

Instead of even taking the diaper off, we took him to the hose and literally hosed him down until the mess was manageable. I will spare the awful details but know this - a real man can handle really shitty messes....literally.

Then Aiden had to ride butt-naked back to the trailer on the golf cart where Mommy gave him another hose-bath for good measure. And, I threw away the bathing suit - no amount of cute is worth trying to salvage that puppy.

I will say this though - those water diapers really hold their shit.

"Death Raft" -- While looking for toys to play with on the beach, we found a very old life raft looking water toy. Aiden was really excited once it was inflated because it was "A BUTT!" (boat). But Steve and Erik had their doubts because they could hear it leaking. Oh well, we took it to the water anyway. Once we got to the beach with it, Aiden was trying to drag it into the water all on his own - he was on a mission to commandeer that vessel. But I told him, no lets wait for the guys....

Steve put Aiden in it and they went for a little float together. Aiden screamed bloody murder the entire time. I thought he was going to sink the raft while having his fit. He was crying for me and wanted out. So I waded out to the raft and got in with him. He climbed nearly up to the top of my head and screamed for land, "I'm done, done, done! I'm DONE!"

Lord almighty, you would have thought I was abusing my child! Once he was safely on the beach again I knew we would probably never get him in another boat for awhile....

"My Son is a Sissy???" -- Since we are laughing at Aiden's panic attack mode....while frog hunting Friday night, we found a BIG one. It was a real whopper! And when it hopped onto Aiden's foot, my oh my did he have a conniption fit.  He screamed so loud you would have thought it was me with a snake in my shirt!

Even though Aiden didn't like the frog, Kane wouldn't leave it alone. He herded it all over the boat ramp and club house patio. When he laid down, the frog even hopped over in between his front paws. It was so freaking adorable, Kane adopted the frog and it was his baby.

Aiden and Uncle Erik


Constant Writer said...

LOL diaper story not that gross. you managed to euphemize enough to avoid that.
About Daisy: Why would you put sausage inside a pig? Isn't the sausage made from a pig already??
I think at Aiden's age, I probably would have been terrified of a boat like that (and even at an older age as well). They had to force me onto the raft at Disaster Canyon at Elitches when I was 8 or so (seems like a thousand years ago!)
Thanks for sharing, the pleasant and the not so pleasant! Caution: Men cooking :D

Outnumbered said...

Haha, as I was trying to tell the diaper story, I was typing and deleting a lot because it was so bad I was having a flashback so I tried to keep it more funny less barfaclicious.

It's very weird, he has loved boats up til now! And all of a sudden, the open water is terrifying.