stopped to look around and see just how rapidly change is coming,
or has come. I wish there was a way to keep us safe and close and
together, but I don't think there is. Like any relationship, someone
will always want something more or something different. Our various
successes and failures will take us different places and give us those
things. Maybe I can't hold you all here with me forever, but I do hope
that you all know I love you unconditionally.
There is so much potential to do great within each of us, I only hope that the standards by which we measure greatness are our own. I will probably never be rich, or successful in the terms by which those words are described according to those closest to me. But, I consider myself wealthy in knowing how little the petty aspects of life really mean. Wealthy in knowing that my happiness is my own. I consider myself successful in having let go of the secret telling and whisper passing - I only tell my secrets to my significant other, and the secrets of others, I choose to guard with my life. I have come to realize that if someone will talk to you about others, they are likely to talk to others about you. I don't want to be this person.
This is the most lonely feeling in the world, I accept it for what it is, and hope to do all I can to keep others from feeling it.
There is no way to know what you have done right or done wrong until it is
completely over with. And for the one particular person who makes me feel I've done it all wrong, I guess I hope that no one takes away their confidence when they need it most. I also hope that when you get to the end of your road, you look back and feel as much happiness about your success as I will about my failures.
And sometimes I feel like I am raising 2 boys instead of 1. Three when Erik comes home. But I love my boys, they see past the grumpiness and the inability to open up. They love me despite the dark and twisted inside. They make me feel lighter and lighter every day.